A Deep Sleeper

Rubinstein, Jessica. Promoting First Relationships. Digital image. Jessica Rubinstein, LMFT. Squarespace, n.d. Web. 06 Jan. 2016. <http://www.vivantetherapy.org/promoting-first-relationships/>.

We laid our new baby in his crib. His eyes were closed as he did not know the reality of the world. We tucked him under his blanket, the sapphire color fit him, making him look as if he were floating in the sky. His face was my entertainment all night. His chest moved calmly up and down, pumping his magnificent pure heart. What thoughts lie in his mind I wondered all night, hoping he could feel my endless love spilling onto him, making an armor for everything that will hurt him in this world. His exhales made the only sound in the room as I wrapped my arm around 

Bree and emitted a glowing smile as I whispered,  “Thank you for this wonderful gift.” 

If only life had a pause button so I could live in this moment forever. I spent that night admiring him as I too slowly began to fall asleeep

I was quickly awaken by the coughs and cries of our baby. My wife, laying on my shoulder, was still fast asleep even through the baby's wet and vigorous coughs. 

I thought the baby needed food so I gently kissed my wife on the cheek and whispered, 
“Time to feed the baby.” Her eyes opened timidly until finally she realized what was needed. She pulled down her shirt and bra as she gingerly picked up the baby and placed its hungry lips upon her breast. The baby began to engulf, tasting a unique texture it has never felt before. After a dose of this mysterious liquid, the baby pulled his mouth away from her nipple and spat out the milk and began to generate a choke-like coughing sound. We did not know what to do with his uncontrollable phlegm-like sounds. Bree held him tight with fear in her eyes. After a few quiet coughs the baby’s coughing subsided and the panic was over. We began to relax as we cautiously watched the baby go back to sleep. Bree and I closed our eyes and drifted off to bed.

At midnight I was terribly awakened by a horrendous sound that echoed throughout the room. I got up as fast as I could, almost slipping on the blanket wrapped around me. The sound of pain was being wailed from the crib; the screams would not stop. I quickly turned on the light and was mortified by the sight of blood filling the baby's mouth. He began to cough the blood out making it look like lava overflowing a volcano. Then he coughed, creating a deadly sound as suffocation mixed in. I was frozen. My only son was drowning in his own blood and I couldn’t move. The blood began to flow down his little arms causing the crib to be more and more suffused with blood. The screams began to quiet down as the blood began to fill his own mouth, clogging the cries from exiting. I became paralyzed with the image before me. I tried my best to pick up my son, who was now suffocating from his own blood, but I couldn’t. I watched as my son’s chest slowly began to stop moving. His heartbeat became no more. He slowly went into the night, as his own blood finally drowned him. Maybe we should have been a bit more careful about his coughing earlier. My wife was still laying on the right side of the bed, sound asleep. If only she wasn’t such a deep sleeper, she would have known what to do to save the baby, and I would still be able to watch my little boy fall fast asleep each night.