Booger

   "£99 Instead of £499 for a VIP Party." Wowcher. Wowcher Staff, n.d. Web. 23 Jan. 2015. <http://www.wowcher.co.uk/deals/london/deal-87019-detail/99-vip-party-package-8-people-limo-ride-club/deal.html>.

 
The tension was high. There was a lot of testosterone in the air, at least it seemed that way from where we were standing in the garden. The voices were loud and we could see some pretentious posers trying to make an impression near the pool. It was party time, indeed, and we were going to make the most of it. We had no supervision and no limitations. It seemed like all the resources were provided. Oh wow! There were some hot chicks around the place! Where the hell had they come from? Lounging and laughing on the sofas were the most magnificent looking girls of our town. The music with a heavy bassline was fulminating the speakers on the verandah and there were several silhouettes dancing on the roof. The lights were flaring and with every beat, they would glow more and more luminous.The ablaze neon flares were directed towards everyone at once. It seemed as if we were situated on a canvas of a prodigal painter. There were at least five hundred guests. This was huge!

Ok, the thing about parties is that you've got to know how to hold yourself. You don't want to overdo things as you might give the impression of being 'too keen' or even worse immature. At the same time, you don't want to be a blob just hanging about, not knowing what to do and ending up just watching the others have a good time. You need to let the cool come out in you, in a natural way so that you really have fun, but very importantly, in style. This way your chances of attracting members of the fairer sex increase dramatically. Good looks are a must, but that is not to say that charm doesn't play a critical role, for it most certainly does.

Right, I see Derek the Destroyer across on the other side near the barbecue area. You don't want to mess with that dude because he'll break you. There's a crowd surrounding him as he plays beer pong. He's doing an awful job of quaffing his beer. And what is with his goatee? 

It's time to move away from this fidgety group of teenage boys to distinguish myself.

“Shall we go and get a drink?,” I say to Peter.

"Sure".

And off we go, very much aware of the way we are moving our bodies, measuring every step along the pool edge to the bar area. Seconds later I make eye contact with a stunner. She's a brunette with the most incredible emerald eyes and complexion I had seen in my life.

“Bloody hell, Peter! Did you see her?!”

"She's a hottie, alright," he replies. My heart is beating at a hell of a pace. Peter spots a girl he knows among the crowd and approaches her. I follow him and hang around for a few seconds, but ultimately realize that I don't want to be part of their group. Ok, so I'll head on for the bar. I just can't get the brunette out my mind. I turn around and try to search her out. I see her luxuriating with a group of girls on and around the poolside sofa. Her chestnut hair swings from side to side as she giggles, eventually collapsing on her exposed shoulders.

Oh my.....! She's staring at me! Ok, be cool! I smile and offer her a drink with an appropriate gesticulation. She chuckles. I laugh without making any sound. I offer again. She accepts. What drink does she want? I gesture once more. She is confused. I'm about to go over and ask her. It's going to happen! My goodness gracious me, she is gorgeous.

It is at that moment that butthead Derek the Destroyer appears once again in my visual field. With that arrogant gait of his, he approaches my striking brunette, picks her up with his beefy forearms, and they do a kind of lustful twirl. She lets out a shriek of joyous panic followed by an ecstatic outburst of excitement before putting her slender arms around big Derek's trunk-like neck and then puts her scarlet lips to his. She was his girl, obviously.

My world is crushed into little pieces. With an abashed look on my face, I start to slowly step back with my cocktail spilling on my brand new cardigan.

A few moments later I walk past the couple. I am devastated and can’t help but stare at them. Derek the Destroyer notices this and begins eyeballing me.

“Hi Derek, how are you doing?” I say. The brunette hears my voice for the first time and I am aware she is looking intently at me. But I am finished with her.

  "Waddup, dude?" comes Derek's reply. My goodness, he is a big bastard. I look at him hard. I can’t help noticing that he has a light brown booger, a repulsive booger, hanging out of his left nostril. What a disgusting sight it is!

  “You've got a booger,” I say to him as I point to one of my own nostrils. I walk away with a warm feeling of satisfaction, leaving that dolt surprised and hopefully very embarrassed. I can hear her footsteps behind me, they get louder and louder until I feel a light tap on my shoulder and her soft voice, "Hey, would you like to get a drink?"